Faith (My Misery Muse) Read online

  Faith

  A My Misery Muse Novel

  By

  Brei Betzold

  Faith

  A My Misery Muse Novel

  Copyright © 2013 by Brei Betzold

  Published April 9, 2013

  Publisher Brei Betzold

  This is a work of fiction. All characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

  All rights reserved. This edition is copywritten by Brei Betzold and any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. January 2013.

  Smashwords Edition, License Notes

  This Ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This Ebook may not be re-sold or given away to others. If you would like to share this book with others, please purchase an additional copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the author.

  Edited by Tanya Keetch

  Cover photo ©

  Istockphoto.com

  Cover Design by Sarah Hansen

  Prologue

  Mags

  I was standing there pretending to sip my champagne, wishing I could drink it for real and watched the beautiful bride. She absolutely glowed, I think it was the happiest I had ever seen her. Seth had his arm wrapped around her waist gently, rubbing his thumb back and forth against the slight pooch where their baby grew and was carrying the now four year old Jaks in the other arm. I looked down to my own flat tummy, and knew that picture would never be me. I guess I was more like my own mother than I realized. I never wanted marriage and the picket fence, but someone to actually be there for this little jellybean would be nice change in family dynamics.

  “We’ll be okay,” I whispered to reassure myself more than the baby that now grew within me.

  I was still watching the bride and groom when I felt a finger run down my arm. I glanced over and nearly groaned aloud. Why had he to come over to talk to me now? I had been trying to keep a distance from him all day. I knew I told Devi I would tell the father, but I didn’t want to do it now at her wedding, but I also didn’t know when I would see him again.

  I faked smiled over at him. “How are you enjoying the festivities?”

  He shrugged. “It's okay I guess, very Seth and Devi.”

  I nodded, this low key wedding was very Seth and Devi. “So how have you been?”

  “Been busy with work, how about you?”

  “Been busy with work too,” I mused. “I’ve been needing to talk to you.”

  “Really? That surprises me.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Last time we were together you couldn’t leave fast enough.”

  “That’s because we had just made a huge mistake.”

  He nodded. “If you says so, want to go make that mistake again?”

  I scowled at him. “No, I want to talk to you about something.”

  He grumbled. “Fine, let’s talk.”

  “Not here,” I said looking around. “Let’s go in the house.”

  He nodded and placed his hand on my waist and led me to the back doors of the house Seth and Devi had recently bought. We walked into the living area and I turned and faced the father of my child. Damn, I didn’t know how he was going to react to the news.

  “So, about the last time we saw each other,” I started.

  He nodded his head. “It was fun; we should do it again soon.”

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t think we should.”

  “Fine Mags, what do you need to tell me so we can get back to the party?”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  He stared at me slack jawed then snapped it closed. “Well it’s not mine; we used a condom.”

  “I haven’t been with anyone else except you in over six months, so that doesn’t leave anyone else.”

  “Mags, I don’t want a baby. You do what you think you need to do, but don’t expect a damn thing from me, especially since I don’t believe it’s mine. I mean, we all know what you’re reputation is.”

  I nodded getting more and more pissed off with every word he spoke. “I don’t want anything from you, just thought you should know, and you don’t know a fucking thing about me or my reputation.”

  “Fine, whatever, have a nice life.”

  “Yeah, you too,” I mumbled and watched him spin on his heel and storm out of the room not surprised by his reaction or his lack of interest in the child. I felt one tear fall and quickly wiped it away. I couldn’t fall apart over this here. I took a deep breath and headed back to the party. “Well it’s just you and me, jellybean,” I whispered.

  Drake

  I couldn’t believe Mags was doing this here at my sister’s wedding. She was the maid of honor shouldn’t she be more concerned with that instead of this. I stared at her and couldn’t believe what she was doing here, of all places. I couldn’t deal with her right now, so I spun on my heel and walked away.

  Chapter 1

  Mags

  So I thought I knew what to expect with the whole single mom thing. I watched my best friend, Devi go through it with Jaks. I even helped as much as possible, but now I have a whole new level of respect for that girl. I was trying not to scream, cry or just run into the bathroom and lock the door. My six-week-old darling, beautiful daughter, Quinn had been crying for over an hour, and nothing I did had calmed her down. My nipples hurt, my back hurt, I was exhausted, and nothing made this kid happy. I had no idea on what to do next. I was close to doing the one thing I always hated doing, calling Devi. It’s not that she wouldn’t help; I knew she would, but it was three a.m. and Devi had her own baby and kid to take care of.

  After another thirty minutes of Quinn crying, I finally gave in and had to call for reinforcements, encouragements, someone to cry to—just something.

  “Ello,” said a sleepy sounding Devi.

  “Help, please help,” I whined.

  “I’m up,” she said. “What’s going on, Mags?’

  “Quinn has been crying for two hours. I can’t make her stop; I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Please, please, please tell me what I am doing wrong,” I begged near tears.

  “Mags, calm down, you’re not doing anything wrong. Quinn has colic, honey,” she soothed. “It’s nothing you did.”

  “Devi, I am so tired. My nipples are bleeding. I don’t remember the last time I slept more than an hour; how in the hell am I going to do this on my own?”

  “Ah honey, you don’t have to do it on your own, you know I am here for you. Let me get dressed, wake up Drake and let him know I am heading out so he can listen for Cait and Jaks.”

  “Why is Drake there?”

  “He’s going with us in the morning to meet up with the guys on tour. Mags, you sure you don’t want to go with us? I’m sure you could use the time away, and you’d have mine and Ash’s help with Quinn so you could get some sleep.”

  “I don’t want to be a burden, Devi.”

  “Mags, I already told you, you wouldn’t be. The guys have a four day break in Seattle for Thanksgiving. We are going to be staying in a four star hotel, and my ass is going to the spa while I am there. Hang on, let me wake up Drake and I will be at your place in fifteen or so and we can talk about this some more.”

  “Okay, and Devi thanks, you know I love you right?”

  “Yeah, yeah I love you too, see you soon.”

  I hung up with Devi and started pacing around the living room with still screaming Quinn.

  Drake

  I pulled up in front of Mags' small house and wondered how I got drafted for this; oh yeah, Cait woke up. Now I love my niece but Caitir has the worst timi
ng. Instead of Devi coming to the rescue, it’s me; while she gets to sit in her comfy rocker nursing my niece, instead of me in said rocker giving her a bottle.

  I hadn’t seen much of Mags since Devi’s wedding. I’d been traveling around signing different bands, holding their hands, just the normal high school drama that went along with my job. Though I was surprised to find out she was pregnant, I was interested about the father, but she refused to tell anyone who he is, even Devi. All I ever heard was that he knew about the baby and had no interest to be involved. I realized I couldn’t stall any longer and got out the car and walked towards the house, I heard a screaming Quinn and knew I was in for a long night. I had only seen the baby once shortly after she was born, but she was beautiful. Then again she was Mags' daughter so of course she would be.

  I knocked on the door and heard no response but Quinn’s screaming, so I tried the door and found it was unlocked—stupid, stupid woman. I let myself in and walked into an even larger mess than normal for Mags' place. I made it to the living room and stopped, a screaming Quinn was in some sort of chair contraption and a crying Mags curled up on the couch in what looked like the beginnings of a panic attack. Even exhausted and in need of a shower, Mags looked gorgeous with her long slender legs pulled up to her chin, and her normally shiny dark hair in desperate need for a shower.

  “Well Princess, looks like your mama is exhausted,” I said as I scooped up the crying baby.

  Mags jolted up and looked at me with glassy eyes. I started bouncing the crying, red-faced Quinn and she started to calm down.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Well Devi was detained, so she sent me.”

  “Oh.”

  “Mags go get a shower and some sleep; Quinn and I will be fine.”

  “No, that’s okay; I didn’t mean to bother anyone.”

  “Mags, you didn’t bother me, now go.” I looked down at a now whimpering Quinn. “Don’t be as stubborn as your mama when you grow up, k?”

  Mags glared at me with her sea glass blue eyes, just like I knew she would.

  “I am not stubborn.”

  “Yes you are or you would take this as it is, a much needed break. Now get your fine ass in the shower and get some sleep. Oh, and by the way, you are going to Seattle with us tomorrow morning. I will get the princess here packed up, make sure you get yourself a bag together,” I said with authority as I wiped off a bit of spit up from the now sleeping Quinn’s face.

  “I don’t know who the hell you thi—”

  I put my finger on her lips and stepped in before she went into full rant. “Shhh, now don’t wake her up, and do what you’re told like a good girl.”

  She glanced over at her sleeping daughter. “Damn it, Drake, how did you do that?”

  I shrugged.

  “I will go take a shower and a nap, but we will be talking about the other part of your demands afterwards,” she snarked then went off towards her bedroom.

  “Well Princess, looks like you and I are hanging out for a while,” I told the sleeping baby then sat on the couch and put her on my chest where we both took a nap.

  Chapter 2

  Mags

  I woke up and for the first time in a long time felt like a human being. Then I looked over at the bassinet and Quinn wasn’t there and there went that good feeling. I jumped out of bed and ran in the living room where I found Drake sleeping on my couch with Quinn curled up on his chest sleeping peacefully. I crept out of the living room and grabbed my camera from my bedroom. Then snuck back in there careful not to wake either and took a picture. I couldn’t resist, and they looked too cute, like a dad with his daughter.

  “You done, now?” came Drake’s sleepy voice.

  I glanced up and saw Drake’s bright blue eyes on me. He may be an ass most of the time but that boy truly was gorgeous. His dark hair was longer than normal brushing the the collar of his T-shirt; blue eyes that looked like a Texas sky in the summer, broad shoulders and a chest and abs I had drooled over more than once. His well-worn jeans fit his tight ass and thighs perfectly; he stood at around 6’4 and looked like a Greek god. His face was purely man, with a square jaw, and chiseled cheekbones. I had spent some time sketching that face without realizing I was doing it on more than one occasion.

  “If you’ve looked your fill, go start some coffee, and go get packed were leaving for the airport at eleven; so we need to get going soon,” he drawled in that deep raspy voice of his that had women swooning.

  I was snapped back to reality, while he may be pretty to look at, he was an ass. All men were asses as far I was concerned.

  “I’m not going,” I said sternly.

  “Yes you are, if I have to put you over my shoulder and take you, you will be getting on that plane.”

  “Why do you even care, or want me to go? You don’t like me; you’ve made that perfectly clear.”

  “Ah Mags, Devi is worried about you and what worries Devi worries me, and Princess told me you don’t have plans for Thanksgiving.”

  I stood there looking at him trying to figure out why he was really insisting I go, but it seemed he was sincere; plus, the thought of getting out of my tiny house and around people again sounded great. I also knew that Devi was worried about me, and that her new nanny, Ash was going to help with Jaks and Cait. She’s told me more than once adding Quinn to the mix wouldn’t be a problem. So I may in fact get some sleep; I guess I was going to Seattle.

  “Fine, I’ll go,” I snarked then turned around to get dressed and get a bag for me and Quinn packed.

  “I already packed the princess; just get your stuff together. We're leaving in fifteen minutes.”

  “How do you know what she needs?”

  “I have packed for more than one baby in my life, remember? I know what to get, she’s got tons of clothes, diapers, and all the other crap that goes with a newborn. You have the same type of car seat as Devi so a base is already in my truck for it. She’s fed, she’s dry and napping, now we're waiting on you.”

  “Fine I am going; I’ll be out in a few.”

  “About damn time she agreed, Princess, your mama is stubborn.” I heard him telling Quinn as I walked down the hall.

  I snorted, like I am the only stubborn person in this house, and what the hell did he do to my baby, she never sleeps this much?

  Drake

  After finally getting the women and children on the plane and strapped in, we were finally able to leave Dallas and head to Seattle. The flight was interesting, between a constantly talking Jaks, a screaming Quinn, which of course set off Cait; I was ready to be out of the damn plane. I never knew I would be so happy to see a rainy, grey Seattle.

  “They cry a lot,” said Jaks as I was helping him from the plane.

  “Well, that’s what babies do.”

  “I know, I have a headache now.”

  I snorted, I loved this kid.

  “Well, what do you think we need to do for that?”

  “I need a beer.”

  “You and me both, kid.”

  “Let’s go get a beer then, Uncle Drake.”

  “All right, but we have to get your mom and Aunt Mags first.”

  “Naw, let them do it.” He pointed over at a waiting Seth and Sam.

  “That works for me, Taz.” I walked over to where they stood on the tarmac of the small private airport “Go help the women, were getting a beer.”

  Both Seth and Sam shook their heads at me, and then went to help Devi and Mags with the babies, while Jaks and I climbed into the waiting limo and popped open two root beers.

  “Here ya go, Jaks.”

  “Thanks, Uncle Drake.”

  I watched him chug down half the can then let out a burp that would have had Devi cringing.

  “That’s good,” he said.

  I laughed. “Yes it is, Jaks.”

  At a newly turned five years old, Jaks had become a lot more fun to be around, and was amusing as hell to watch. A few minutes later, Seth climbed in carr
ying Cait’s car seat with a flustered Devi behind.

  “Where’s Sam and Mags?”

  “Arguing,” replied Devi with a huff.

  “What about?”

  “Hell if I know,” said Seth.

  I sighed, damn that woman. I climbed back out of the car to find a screaming Quinn, a pissed off Sam, and a, I had to look again, a crying Mags—ah hell.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Hell if I know,” replied Sam.

  “Put Quinn in the car, we’ll be there in a minute,” I told Sam.

  I walked up to Mags. “What’s the matter, darling?”

  She sniffed. “Nothing”—sniff—“is”—sniff—“wrong.”

  “Mags, what’s up, and don’t tell me nothing,” I said, pulling her into a hug.

  “Just a text that upset me, okay,” she replied in a huff.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “No, not really; I will deal with it.”

  “Okay, you okay? Can we go now?”

  “Yeah, let’s go.”

  I finally got her in the car and we left to go to the hotel. This was going to be a long four days.

  Chapter 3

  Mags

  The entire drive to the hotel Devi was shooting me concerned glances. I knew she wanted to know what was going on, but I wouldn’t burden her with more of my crap. I also wouldn’t put her in that position. I hadn’t told anyone who Quinn’s father was, and I knew it would make things awkward if they knew. I really didn’t know what the fall out of that would be if they found out who her father was, and didn’t really want to find out. I was perfectly fine raising my daughter on my own. I didn’t want or need his help, so when he sent me a text threatening me about disclosing his name as the father of my child, it pissed me off, and as per usual with me, set off the tears. Stupid hormones.

  When we got to the hotel, I tried my best to dodge Devi, but knew it was useless.

  “What’s up?” she asked.

  “Nothing, just normal crap.”

  “Uh huh, not buying that.”

  “Devi, it’s nothing really; now go off with your husband, you haven’t seen him in over a month.”